Understanding our Children - Matrix Sheet

Dear fathers,

I have been very excited about your MAG (Mentoring & Accountability Group) meetings. Please continue to copy me your emails. The Monday group is particularly active and I have attached a sheet of their matrix which they design from the exercises in Chapter 4 on "Knowing your child". You can download this from the panel on the right hand side of the blog under "Book Summary Downloads". The matrix sheet will help you have an overall feel of how much you know your children. Feel free to use this in your group.

I am especially encouraged when I hear you sharing about your joys and struggles in being a father and best of all, praying for each other in your area of concerns. I have shared in the first session that the process is more important than trying to go through the book for the sake of the content. The process reminds us that there's no short-cuts in being a father. Discipline, perseverance and love for our family are our motivating factors.

I will continue to post some encouraging comments from your emails.

Pr Chris

Fathers Club Testimony - Jeffery Choy

After attending the 1^st Fathers Club book study session on the 2^nd of August in DUMC, I realized that there are so many areas which I felt I need to improve in the way I father my children. During the session we studied on the 1^st Secret of an effective father, which is “Commitment”.  Being a last minute decision, I had not really made the time to prepare and read the chapter before I went, which was suppose to be our homework. When we were deciding which group to join for our small group meeting (MAG – Mentoring and Accountability Group), I chose the Monday night group since my kids will be in tuition. This would be the most ideal time for me to commit to this alternate week group.

When I got back after the study session, I was sharing with my wife about how wonderful the Fathers Club book study has been and all the homework we had to do. I also told her about the survey that I need to do with her and my son (my daughter is too young, she’s only 6 years old). 

We had planned for a weekend at Cameron Highlands the following weekend, to relax and also to spend time with my family and close friends. The trip to Cameron Highland was wonderful. We stayed at the OMF Bungalow and we had much fun playing board games such as Monopoly, Scrabble and Taboo with the kids.

When we got back on Sunday 8^th August, my wife and I were discussing with our son what he wanted to do on his birthday and where he wanted to go for his birthday dinner. We proposed a quiet dinner with just the 4 of us or he can invite some of his close friends home for dinner or have dinner with our close friends and their kids. My son was undecided but did comment that some of the proposals were not what he wanted. As we were discussing, it suddenly dawned on me that my son’s birthday dinner, which is on the 9^th August, clashed with the Monday night Fathers Club MAG group meeting. I blurted out that I had Fathers Club MAG group meeting and my wife immediately reminded me that she’s sure the members would understand that I had to spend time with my son on his birthday. The Lord immediately reminded me of the lesson we had on the 2^nd of August about “Commitment”.  It was really a reminder of how easily I could be distracted with other commitments and putting my commitment to my wife and kids in 2^nd place. I decided to spend time with my son and family on his birthday as this is my commitment to him and my wife. We had a wonderful time and my son really enjoyed his birthday dinner and we also surprised him by inviting our close friends and their kids for the dinner (though he didn’t say it but insinuated his preference, when we made suggestions during the discussion)

I really thank God for sinking the lesson of commitment deeper into my heart and mind, and also the privilege of being able to practice it. I also thank God for my wife, who is there to remind and support me in my commitment to be an effective father. Praise the Lord!

A Touching Father Son Story

Richard Yeo sent me this story. I have read it before. Thought you should if you have not.

Can I Buy an Hour of Your Time?
(Author Unknown)

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated. He found his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man.
"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"
"What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know . . .   please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.
"If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."
"Oh...!" the little boy replied, head bowed.  Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?"
The father was mad. "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you better march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish.  I work long, hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games."
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he asks such questions only to get some money.
After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.  Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.   "Are you asleep son?" he asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man.  "It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you.  Here's that $10.00 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, beaming.  "Oh, thank you daddy," he yelled.  Then reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man seeing that the boy already had money started to get angry again.  The little boy slowly counted out his money then looked up at the man. 
"Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.  "Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?"

What a GREAT Start!

A group of men met for the second time in DUMC Fathers Club last night. We started our first session of our book study on “The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers”.  This is the first of 7 fortnightly studies that we will do together. A total of 66 men, including some single men, came together to want to learn to be better fathers! What an encouragement! 

Not only are they committed to learn together, they will be meeting in small groups on another day after each session to keep each other accountable and encouraged. These are men who are prepared to be committed to their role as fathers. I feel the enthusiasm and passion of these men in the room as we pray for each other and listened to the heartbeat of our Heavenly Father.

What is even more soul-searching (with trepidation!) is the homework they are to do and it is to do an interview with their wives and children how they are faring so far as fathers. You can’t get any more serious than this because it takes a humble man to accept without question (but with clarification) any feedback he can get from the family to better himself.

Keep us in prayer! I really believe God is going to start a movement of godly fathers who will in turn learn to be spiritual fathers in the church. There will be stronger families when we as fathers get our act together and the best part is, we are doing it together.

Men, the feedback form in softcopy as requested on the download link.