Discipling Youth and Young Adults

Men, I challenged you in our August meeting to seriously consider mentoring and discipling young people. It is so typical of many Christian families to relegate that responsibility to the church, vis-a-vis, the youth ministry. Realistically, the contact time of about 2 hours in the ministry is so small compared to other influences in our youth's life that it become urgent and important to ask ourselves whether we are discipling, or the world is discipling our young people. If we as Christian men in our homes, and part of the Body of Christ, do not take on this vital call in our lives to disciple our young people, who will then? Some of us should seriously consider joining the youth ministry and there learn from there how to disciple our young children when they are teenagers!

^4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^{ 5} Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ^6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ^7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ^8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ^9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. ~ Deuteronomy 6:4

One of you write an email to me after the meeting that you would like to join a MAG (Mentoring and Accountability Group) and this desire:

"Also I am interested to partner with you to be mentor to young adults. Do let me have more information."

My reply, which I think may be helpful for you as you consider the implication:

Great you are offering to mentor young adults. It will be a journey for all of us. I started 15 years ago to be first part of a MAG, and allowing God to deepen the foundations in my life as a man through my MAG. Then God begin to bring different YAs into my life. So you are on the right path. Just two things like I mentioned you can start doing:

1. Get into a MAG and learn the art of discipling men. - Allow God to build deep into our foundation as ministry is a long haul endeavour. We cannot give what we don't have, especially things of heart and character. You will be surprise that God wants to deal with us first before we can mentor others. But thank God we don’t have to be perfect, just teachable and humble. In fact, our first ministry must always be our family. This is really the testing ground of discipling. One very young father asked me some years back when he should start father-and-son time, like what I do with my sons. He was asking at what age of his son should he do that. He was then carrying his toddler in his arms while asking the question. My answer to him was, “NOW!”.

2. Start praying that God will bring young people into your life. Like I say, start with your family first because the calling to do that is already there! Of course, don’t forget to be in the company of men who desire the same. Unless there is something else, Fathers Club is the most obvious place in DUMC!

The Strength of a Man

THE STRENGTH OF A MAN 

(Jacqueline M Griffiths)

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.

It’s seen in the width of his arms that circle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.

It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.

It’s how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.

It’s in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.

It’s in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest.

It's in his Heart, that lies within his chest...

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's loved.

It’s in how he can be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.

It is in the burdens he can carry.

and the strength of the woman is ..... how she helps him to be that man.

Encouraging Testimonies from a Wife and a Husband

Testimony from the Wife: Madam Choy Sook Leng (Mrs. Shun) (6 June 2012)

We have 3 children – a 14 year old boy, an 12 year old older daughter and a 6 year old younger daughter. My husband started attending the Father’s club in July 2010. As all of us who are married with kids will testify, parenting is no easy task. I am glad Chris signed up for the Father’s Club.

Chris found some good friends there whom he could identify with and who share the same needs and challenges. He looks forward to going to the Father’s  Club  and MAG meetings every month and enjoys exchanging ideas and materials with the other fathers. I believe, to Chris, being able to unload parenting burden in a safe environment where almost everyone is in the same boat, is therapeutic. He is evidently very pleased with this new found MAG group and I was delighted to see him finding so much support and encouragement from them.

Not only Chris is happy, in the months that follow, the children discovered that they have a “transformed” daddy. The bonus for me is I have a “new” husband.

Having been born the eldest in the family coupled with many years in the corporate world, Chris adopted a more commanding style type fathering all these years. After father’s Club, one distinct change he made is he came down to the children’s level.  He has become “down to earth” and sporting.   More laughter and noise are coming from our kitchen cum work area whenever daddy is with the children or in the family car. There is never a dull moment.  Very often, they are pulling each other’s legs. When the children get out of line, dad is more patiently correcting and guiding. Daddy has also got to watch himself as the elder two children often will highlight his mistake in a teasing and diplomatic manner when the need arises. Nonetheless, the respect for daddy is still maintained as they know daddy has proven to be firm on the right things and is more discerning and wise than them.

Chris is more conscious about spending more with the family, either one to one or with the entire family. This is especially timely as our eldest two are in their early teens. I am especially thrilled to see Chris doing the “manly” things together with my eldest son as he is more of an introvert. We are also doing more things together as a family and we make it a priority. Going out for ministry together like teaching the Orang Asli kids and reaching out to the needy is one area that encourages me most.

Even though the Father’s Club is not the Husband or Marriage Club, somehow I believe the fathers also get refreshers on how to love their wives. These days, I hear a lot more “I am sorry”, I get dishes and teas brought to me by my beloved  husband. I thought, praise god for such husband. My son will learn by example how to be that godly and serving husband that God will be proud of.

Thank you so much Pastor Chris Kum and DUMC for starting the Father’s Club. Christian families ought to be strong, united families so that we can be the light of the world and reach out to the world where families are breaking up. Fathers, if you are not in the father’s club, may I encourage you strongly to start early. If you want your wife to treat you like a King, treat her like a Queen!

Testimony from the Husband: Christopher Shun Kong Leng (14 June 2012)

After hearing my darling wife's testimony, it is humbling and also encouraging to know that by attending Father's Club, so much positive things have begun to take shape in our lives as a family. In Father's Club, I think that the lessons that were most important is understanding about the Father’s heart and how much He cares for us  and loves us even as Fathers, we in turn seek to love our wives and children. I think that once we better appreciate our Heavenly Father, we feel encouraged to love our family in a likewise manner.

You know, we men have been raised to be the Generals and our wives the Majors. {We make General decisions for the family and wives make the Major decisions!} . Growing up, we did not have many good role models and the local church did not actively teach us practically what it was to be Husbands and Fathers, we had to "learn on the job" often with more failures then successes. I am so grateful that DUMC, two years ago began a Men's ministry called Father's Club to meet this urgent need and step into the gap. As we know, Satan' s strategy is to attack the Christian family unit to break it apart, then the family is neutralized then the local Church is crippled and the spread of the Gospel is impeded.

It is easy???..NO WAY!! but having the support of fellow Men undertaking the same journey as us, encourages us greatly. We get to share and laugh alot but we ALWAYS do PRAY so that we can overcome the difficulties that we are facing. For some, it is overcoming cultural chauvinistic mannerisms, for some it is learning how to say SORRY but for most of us, it is learning how to accept WHAT we are and WHO we are, as Heads of our respective families and taking up the challenge and baton to be MEN of Destiny.

Dedicated to All Teenagers

At the age 4, my dad can do everything

At the age 6 my dad knows everything

At the age 8 my dad knows something

At the age 12, I suddenly realized my dad doesn't know anything

At the age 16, my dad is so outdated and he is not cool at all

At the age 18, my dad is Jurassic park

At the age 25, hmmmm … maybe I should ask dad about this. He might know something

When I got married at the age of 30, I told my wife, I think I better ask dad about this. He might know something

At the age 40, I came one full circle. I know my dad can do and know everything

At the age 50, what would dad say about this

At the age 60, I wish I could talk to dad.

Source: Unknown

The Parenting Children Course

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Just in time 'husbanding' and 'fathering'

I made a comment last meeting that I appreciated all those who emailed or sms me that they cannot make it for the Fathers Club (FC) meeting. They apologized for not being able to make it and with legitimate reasons too. Two common reasons were:

1. Been very busy with work and realize that he has not been spending enough time with his wife. He should therefore make time for her and hence the Saturday absence from FC's meeting for that weekend.
2. Been very busy with work and realize that he has not been spending enough time with his children. Hence the same reason for the absence.

I commended the men for making that commitment for their family (absent from FC to be with their loved ones) and I encouraged them to do so. This is really what FC is all about - encouraging men to be committed to their families.

However, this speaks a lot too about the lifestyle we are living, that we are not balancing or juggling them too well! This is akin to cramming last minute for our examination and the feeling of being overwhelmed and overanxious.

Do we do the same for our family? I shared that no matter how busy I am, I am committed to be at Fathers Club, and I will be there. It helps that I am the person in charge. :) I have to be there! But that is good for me.

I challenge the men to calendar in (if there's such a verb!) their essential events that they need to be committed to. If FC is important, then it is in the calendar. If our families are important, then it is in the same calendar. Work will always be there whether we calendar it in or not. When we are juggling them well with the planned calendar as our conscience and guide, then there should be no last minute cramming in our relationship.

Notice Jesus was never in a hurry. He seems to have time for ministry, time to withdraw, time to feast, time to build friendship, time for the lonely and rejected people and time most of all for His Father. He's never caught in the "Russian trap" (I mean, "rushing" people). He has time for everything, even ultimately for the Cross!

FC will be our conscience because it reminds us that if we don't make time to learn with others and be accountable to each other in our roles as men, husbands and fathers, then we will continually to be trapped in what is the norm of our world today.

So let's learn to avoid last minute cramming for what's important in our lives!

A Summary of Meeting on 31 March 2012-Ten Ways to Love a Woman

Next Meeting: 21 April 2012 (Sat AM)

A Summary of 31 March 2012 Meeting

The 73 men present had a great start as we break into smaller groups to discuss the million dollar question: Ten Ways to Love a Woman.

For the marrieds: Ten Ways to Love My Wife

For the courting: Ten Ways to Love My Girlfriend

For the significantly single: Ten Possible Ways to Love My Future Wife

They brainstormed for 30 minutes and from the list, they picked the top 10 and wrote them down on flipcharts. You are free to browse their charts below.

Then they compared their top 10 with the list suggested by Patrick Morley from Man-in-the-Mirror, and make a tick to the point that is similar to his. The groups scored anything from 3 to 7.

Patrick Morley's list can be found here.

In a summary form, these are the Ten Ways:

1. Pray with your wife
2. Pray for Your Wife
3. Spend Time with Her Alone
4. Listen to Her Deeply Without Giving an Overly Quick Reply
5. Touch Her
6. Accept Her Unconditionally
7. Encourage Her with Words
8. Take Care of Her Financially
9. Laugh with Her
10. After God but Before All Others, Make Your Wife Your Top Priority

The men were given this survey form to rate themselves. You (the men) can do the same. This is a self-assessment tool. It will give you an idea where you are at. Obviously, if you score below 5 for any of the point, or in total, take note of them and work on it.

They were then asked to choose from out of the ten, three ways they would like to love their woman better. They will then go and do them. The men in the group will call each other before the next meeting to keep each other accountable. We will come together to share in the next meeting how we fare. I think it will be exciting sharing how we succeeded or fumbled in doing them. I pray it will be a safe environment where we can learn together and it's okay to have a good sense of humour and laugh at ourselves at times.

I also share 70 Things Every Man Needs to Know (also from Man-in-the Mirror). A copy is available here. These will be some of the things we will work through in the coming months.