Six Habits of Spiritually Happy Men

Six Habits of Spiritually Happy Men

Written by Patrick Morley (Man in the Mirror)

 

I’ve been meeting with men for over three decades. Many of those men exude a contagious joy and contentment. Their lives are peaceable, orderly, and recommend Christ. They’re downright happy! Most of these happy men exercise six spiritual habits that keep them “abiding in Christ.” The dictionary says a habit is, “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.” These six habits are not litmus tests that you can use to judge a man’s walk with Christ. That would be extremely dangerous. These habits do nothing to improve a man’s record with Jesus. They are, however, indicators or “clues” of a deeper commitment to live by faith and make a difference in the world. These aren’t the only six habits that reveal the depth of a man’s walk with Christ. Nevertheless, those of us who are leaders would do well to practice, and encourage our men to practice, these six habits. The change of heart these often represent can change the course of a man’s life and family lineage for generations to come. Habit #1:Spiritually happy men read the Bible regularly. They love God’s word, and want to regularly read and meditate on the Bible. I’ve never known a single man whose life has changed in any significant way apart from the regular study of God’s Word. IDEA:Why not read through the Bible over the next year! Buy a One Year Bible or use the One Year Bible reading plan with your existing Bible. Go to www.oneyearbibleonline.com. Habit #2:Spiritually happy men pray with their wives. Praying with your wife symbolizes a depth of relationship with God and each other. Shaun from Bozeman, Montana asked his men’s group, “How many of you pray with your wives?” Only one of the eight men answered, “Yes.” For the last year they have been holding each other accountable. Here’s what Shaun has to say…. The benefits when we are obedient in this area are amazing. Here are some comments from the men when they pray with their wives on a consistent basis: I feel a closeness to my wife that wasn't there before Communication between us is better The petty things are just not a big deal anymore And I'll tell you this, it's pretty hard to be upset with your wife or to be arguing and still come before God with a clean heart. It forces us to communicate and humble ourselves before each other before we do something as intimate as praying together. It just permeates thru the rest of your family, and day. IDEA:Ask your wife if you can take two or three minutes each day, maybe before work, for (a) praising and thanking God, (b) intervention, and (c) intercession. Habit #3:Spiritually happy men are in a small group. Consultant Pat MacMillan surveyed over 2,500 Promise Keepers who had kept their promises. He asked them, "Who helped you keep them?" The two overwhelming answers given were, "My wife" and "My church-based small group." Focus on getting men into small groups. Spiritually happy men are personally vulnerable and seek to be held accountable by other men. This group might be with a few men, or only one other man. It might meet for Bible study, discussion, fellowship, prayer, accountability, or a combination. IDEAS:Get together a weekly group of six to eight men, watch the Man in the Mirror Bible Study webcasts and discuss the printable questions. Also, order some free Accountability cards and help keep each other on track by calling Man in the Mirror at (800) 929-2536 (800) 929-2536 Habit #4:Spiritually happy men are active in a church. 1.     Who is going to visit you in the hospital when you’re sick? 2.     Who is going to baptize your children? 3.     Who is going to teach your children about the Bible? 4.     Who is going to marry your children? 5.     Who is going to bury your dead? 6.     Who is going to serve you communion? 7.     Who is going to preach God’s Word to you? 8.     Who is going to create a regular worship experience for you? 9.     Who is going to faithfully administrate your tithes and offerings? 10.  Who is going to give you opportunities to serve the church body? I’ll stop at 10 and skip evangelism training, Sunday school, softball leagues, parent/child events, conferences, retreats, mission trips, fellowship dinners, and the countless church sponsored hospitals, schools, universities, soup kitchens, homeless shelters, pregnancy counseling centers, and jail ministries. You get the idea. Active church involvement is the overflow of a deeper work that Christ is doing in a man’s heart. “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25). IDEAS: If you are not in a church, find one. If you are not active in your church, set an appointment with your pastor and say, “Give me an assignment…I’m ready.” He will know what to do next. Habit #5:Spiritually happy men tithe. Generosity is a highly underrated source of happiness. I’ve never known a man who tithed who was not happy. On the other hand, I’ve known a lot of guys who have not tithed and were miserable. Someone may argue that tithing is not New Testament. I agree that the New Testament concept is proportionate giving: “On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with his income” (1 Corinthians 16:2). But wait! The Old Testament also says give in proportion: “Each of you must bring a gift in proportion to the way the LORD your God has blessed you” (Deuteronomy 16:17). Both Old and New Testament suggest proportionate giving! So what is the “benchmark” for proportionate giving? What does the New Testament say? In Matthew 23:23 Jesus said, “For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest part of your income, but you ignore the important things of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but you should not leave undone the more important things.” Tithing is our benchmark and, by the way, it’s the minimum—but I wouldn’t push that too far. IDEAS: Give in proportion to what you make. Establish a benchmark. Let ten percent be the minimum. Optional: Consider a setting a maximum income above which you give everything else away. Habit #6:Spiritually happy men are serving the Lord. Personally, I would rather die for a worthy cause than live for no reason. And I think most men feel the same way. Once a man has been in the real presence of Jesus, he will never be happy until he finds a way to express his gratitude through love and good deeds. Brother Lawrence put it this way, “I tell you that this sweet and loving gaze of God insensibly kindles a divine fire in the soul which is set ablaze so ardently with the love of God that one is obliged to perform exterior acts to moderate it.” Do you have a passion that your life will make a difference in the world? Are you pursuing a life of significance? View everything as serving the Lord. IDEAS: Start a men’s small group or, better yet, a men’s ministry in your church. Arrange a Saturday morning tour of a local ministry that serves the poor. Plan a mission trip for your men. Conduct a class that trains men how to lead men to Christ. Conclusion Remember, we’re trying to practice Christianity, not voodoo. We simply cannot make a requirement out of anything the Bible does not specifically command or prohibit. So these six habits are recommendations, not commandments. It’s fine for us to have a strong personal conviction about one or more of these habits, just don’t make it a litmus test for someone else (see Romans 14:5, 10).

How Does a Father Do It?

Finding the right balance between the work place and home front can be a guilt trip, but it doesn't have to be that way. Look over the list of possible improvements you can make in the way you balance career and family. But instead of viewing this as one more long list of things to do, imagine yourself already doing something on the list. The mind doesn't distinguish between imagined and real success when it draws upon positive experiences, even imaginary ones, to reinforce good habits-in-the-making. Try imagining yourself combining work and family life in the ways listed below.

- Keep it simple. It is doesn't add to the happiness of your family, then change it. 

- Set aside time after dinner to help your kids with their homework. 

- Remember what you were like as a kid, and cut some slack for your kids. Keep important things in focus: family unity, values, fun and education. 

- Listen at all times: to mealtime stories, to the chatter over dishwashing, to bedtime prayers. 

- Create family rituals: Saturday morning pancakes, Sunday night pizza, Monday night health club, Thursday night piano recital. 

- Include children in your planning and decision-making regarding things like weekly chore assignments, summer vacation plans and special monthly events. 

- Hold family councils once a month to discuss pet peeves, rules, rewards and punishments. 

- Be both loving and firm in setting, negotiating and enforcing rules. 

- Let the answering machine take calls during the dinner hour and at bedtime. Or, take the phone off the hook. 

- Loves isn't something you buy. Your kids spell it T-I-M-E and it costs more than M-O-N-E-Y. 

- It's better to play 15 or 20 minutes spontaneously and have fun, then go do chores, work or other priorities, than to spend all day at the zoo (or ballgame or the mall) feeling angry, guilty, or worried. 

- Find one common mission or cause that your family loves to do together, instead of splintering your volunteer activities in several different directions.

This partial list was gleaned from "How Does a Mother Do It?" That's the title of a brochure published by Mars Candy that compiles tips for Working Mother of the Year. We've adapted it. More importantly, what do you believe--and do-

-about this delicate balancing act?

James Dobson, On the Father Front, Spring, 1994, p. 2.

The Fatherhood Journey

This article was published in DUMC Floodgates (July-Aug 2010). This is the unedited version.

The FATHERHOOD Journey – to boldly go where no man has gone before.

I enjoyed preaching on Fathers’ Day. The enjoyment wasn’t just primarily that I am sharing about something I am passionate about, but seeing my twenty-year old son sharing his testimony (click on this link to hear him) about his relationship with me. There is no greater joy as a father than seeing him on stage sharing about the fruits of my relationship with him over the last twenty years. Hearing him said that I am his hero, friend and teacher was a proud moment for me. In fact from the way he “preached” through his three-point mini “sermon” with such confidence and in the way he engaged the congregation, I am quite sure some day, he will be a better preacher than me! And the funny thing about being a father is this: We will never be envious when our children do better than us. In fact, we rejoice when that happens. If we understand this principle, then we will begin to see the multiplying effect of our lives through our children.

It seems so long ago but I still remember that awesome but fearful experience of seeing him coming out of mum’s womb into this world. It dawned on me then that my life from that moment on will be changed forever. I am now entrusted with someone whom I have no idea how or what he will turn out to be in this challenging world. While we may be confident about taking on a new assignment at our workplace because we are adequately trained over time, fathering is something else. I had wished I was more prepared but being entrusted now with this tiny baby in my hand, I am reminded of Captain Kirk of starship Enterprise: “Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.”

The toughest thing about being dad is this. We will not know how we fare in our role until years later when they are on their own. Often we are more concern about our children’s behavior in their growing years and our interventions are reactive. Pro-active parenting is not the norm for many. We focus on what’s urgent rather than important. Urgent matters require our immediate attention but important matters are often relegated to another time, which is often unavailable anyway, or forgotten. Our ultimate goal in parenting is not whether our children will behave themselves when we are looking. It is when they know how to live rightly and making wise decisions when we are not looking. It's inculcating a godly fear of God in their lives and through that, they will have godly wisdom in life to make all of life's decision. (Psalm 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding.)

We often prepare our children well with “mind training”. The higher the IQ, the better they will be. The endless pursuit of academic trainings misses the point about heart and spiritual development. These are priceless preparation that comes only through much personal contact, coaching and attention from us fathers. Often we put high price tags on low price items and the consequences of that mistake will reveal itself in the later years. Many adults I had counseled reveal the pains of bad decisions. I wished they had certain basic biblical principles to work with and someone they could seek counsel from before they made those decisions. Fathers, we play a crucial role in the life of our children. Fathers build confidence, prepare children for the real world and provide a look at the world of men. Our children are thirsting for our words, echoing the words of our Heavenly Father to His Son Jesus: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." (Mark 1:11)

In the formative pre-adolescent years, mum’s input is vital. Dad’s most important influence is at adolescence. Before the industrial revolution of the 18^th century, fathers passed on their trade skills to their sons, and thus led the adolescent son into manhood through apprenticeship. Adolescent daughters are starved of their fathers’ affirmation that their princesses are beautiful and loved. Her choice of future partner and satisfaction in marriage are hinged on her relationship she had with her father.

Using the metaphor of an arrow in the hands of a warrior, the Psalmist described in Psalm 127 that children are blessings to keep our legacy going for the family, city and nation. They are arrows to be released and let’s pray they will hit their marks accurately. The family preserves the best of the past and invests this legacy for the future. Every baby born is God's affirmative vote for the future of man and our opportunity to initiate some new beginnings.

We have just launched our Fathers Club! (dumcfathersclub.blogspot.com). It’s a journey we need not walk alone. We have many who have boldly gone before us.